Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Let's Talk

Hi guys, this post isn't going to be beauty or style related but I feel it's probably the most important post I will write on here. This post is also really hard for me to write but today is the perfect day to talk about it. So, Let's Talk.

If anyone knows me, they know I'm a bit of a worrier. Growing up I just thought I had a tendency to worry about a lot of things and take things very seriously. I just thought it was part of who I was and that I could eventually grow out of it. But as I got older, I noticed that my worrying intensified. It was like no matter what I did I felt uneasy or anxious about it. I shaked the feelings off and continued to blame it on me being silly and worrying too much.

One day, last year, I was reading a blog post from one of my favourite bloggers/YouTubers, Zoella. She was talking about how she suffered from panic and anxiety attacks. She was listing all of her symptoms and I identified with almost all of them. That was when I began to realize that maybe the uneasiness I felt so often could be something more. Maybe I had anxiety. 

While this was going on, I had something more coming my way. Every one who knows me knows I am a very emotional person. I can cry over the stupidest things, everything makes me cry. Earlier, I thought this was hilarious and a little bit embarrassing. But once again, I thought that was just who I was. As I got older, I would have moments of intense sadness. I just thought it was hormones or I was being too emotional. I remember one day over Christmas break in 2011, I spent an entire day in my bed just crying for no reason. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me so I just ignored it. This should've been a red flag for what was about to come a year later.

In October of last year, I began to start feeling really sad. I would think of the worst possible things and it would make me even more sad, to the point where I would force myself to sleep just so I could escape my own thoughts. I kept thinking I was going crazy because I hadn't felt happy in months. Normally, I am a very happy person and it felt like no matter what I did, I couldn't be happy. Then for two weeks in December I hit a breaking point. Every day I locked myself in my room, cried, slept, and tried to stomach a piece of fruit. It was then that I had to finally talk to my parents about what was going on because they started to notice my unusual habits. My mom decided to call a therapy group that she uses through her work benefits. I was set up for an appointment to speak with a therapist about what was going on with me. I was terrified because I had a feeling I knew what they were going to tell me but I didn't want to hear it.

I met with the therapist and after a week, we met up again and she told me what was going on. I was depressed and had just experienced a manic depressive episode. This meant I had depression. I knew she was going to tell me that and I wasn't ready to hear that I could be depressed. I always thought people with depression were always sad, would inflict pain upon themselves to feel better and feel suicidal (two things I didn't do nor did I want to). I was, also, scared of being labelled crazy and then someone would give me pills to calm me down. 

I learnt that depression is really just a chemical imbalance in the brain. Every one experiences depression, just some experience it more than others. I, also, learnt that it made me feel a lot better when I talked to someone about how I was feeling. It felt like my parents couldn't understand how I was feeling and they would tell me to "let it go". My therapist listens to me and helps me to deal with days when I am feeling down and doesn't always ask me about my bad days, but mostly my good days. Also, I found out that a lot more suffer from depression than I thought. Even people close to me. It made me feel better that I had more people that I could go to to talk about how I this and they would understand.

So, the point of this post is to raise awareness. Today is Bell Let's Talk Day. Bell donates 5 cents to mental health awareness for every text sent through the Bell network and for every tweet that has #BellLetsTalk in it. I knew this day was important for others but it is really important for me as of recently. An important thing you can take away from this campaign is that EVERYONE is affected by mental health issues. There shouldn't be a stigma around it where no one takes it seriously enough or don't understand how mental illness happens.

The most important thing you can take away from all this is to TALK. Talk to someone if you're unsure of how mental health affects you or others around you. Talk to someone if you don't understand mental illness. Talk to someone if you start feeling something different than what you're normally feeling. If any of you just need to talk to someone, I am always here. You can tweet me, send me a message on Tumblr or you can message me on here. I am here to listen.

Does this look like someone who suffers from a mental illness? Educate yourselves and become more aware of mental health. Don't be so quick to judge. 

Thank you for reading :) New beauty post is coming next week! 

Love you all to the moon and back,
Rachel xo

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